Let you knitting stand up against fear, let it be truly inspirational… and rewarding,  knit one, breathe 1, knit 1 breathe 1… welcome to mindful knitting.
 
 
Why do we knit? Why do we crochet? Why do we have a need to make, to be doing something so simple, so archaic in an age of speed and digital dependence…. Its repetitive, its slow, its quite a daft way to spend our time actually… yes we end up with something, but come on, lets be honest – how often are you overwhelmed with joy with the end result…? Projects remain unfinished, before we start the next one… and socks become our mantra… Yet back we go again to our favorite knitting store and buy more yarn, add it to the stash… waiting for the inspiration to arrive, until the next impulsive purchase comes along… I am interested in really getting to the nifty gritty of things – to know why we do the things we do, is to be mindful.
 
Lets start with shopping and buying yarn. There is a joyful expectation of something when we touch the yarn, hold it carefully, it becomes an unconscious contemplation and expectation of ourselves, in that moment of purchase we can see it oh so clearly, our prefect creative life, a moment of pure inspiration and deep longing to be so much more.  The purchase offers a brief spell of escapement from the everyday reality of our lives… never more so than with an impulsive buy… of luscious texture and colour…. No we do not know what we are going to do with it, its an offering to the creative gods in the hope that it will shine down on us, but ahh there it remains, in the skein or ball for a while on our work surface, soon to be pushed into the depths of bulging guilty cupboards.  The need and dream of being creative not gone, just manifesting itself into another impulsive buy of delightful yarn… Better to remain a dream, it feels far more comforting, dreams are about the future, of things to come… the simple joy of hope… why crush a dream with reality… Have you ever been there, you have your tools and materials and have a plan in your head to make something…  it starts out with such hopeful joy, but how long is it before we feel the sadness of failure when things are not working out as we expected…. We took a risk, the skein of yarn was oh so beautiful, we discover quite quickly it becomes something so very different on the needles… it requires your time to unpick, start again with a different tension, different ideas, but this time fear of failure has started to seep in deep, the joy, the inspiration diminishes…  we give ourselves the final blow when we compare ourselves to the successful design of another – and our dreams sink further into the future.  It is a painful journey to creative freedom, a successful outcome… can appear so simple, yet within its depths lurks failure… because to risk failure is the only way to creative success… and unless we are mindful our whole being cries out against failure… and we run for the comfort of a the good old unfailing sock pattern… don’t get me wrong, I love sock knitting…
 
So this time you have the pattern, you have the right yarn, and you lap up the joy of the repetitive nature of knitting, it is without doubt something quite intriguing…  what is it we are actually doing?  We are told its good for the brain, its sociable… but it is so much more than that. “I’ll just do one row” while having a quick coffee, turns into a quick hour and self indulgent guilty pleasure and why not… you know what I am talking about, we’ve all been there more times than we care to admit.  Yes sometimes it is about completion of something, but usually only so we can go onto the next project… even if you have a couple on the go at the same time… its an addiction it happens… an addiction to the physical act of knitting….
Like all things that come with an addiction label, from watching TV, shopping, drinking, exercise, dieting, facebook, instagram…. It’s about escape, escape from the pressure and stress of our relentless lives to be more.   And knitting feels rather more healthy than most addictions, its even sociable… although mastering the skill of knitting and nattering its still way beyond me, and just means I have to undo most of my efforts if it involves tea, cakes and being sociable… yet that’s all part of the pleasure… sharing, the knitting community… its part of the escape plan.  I even enjoy the challenge of a complicated pattern in solitude, but honestly I get more pleasure from the simplicity of just knitting, it demands less, and the process becomes soothing, light, tension dissipates, even when I feel too tired to knit, and my brain feels overloaded… knitting offers me a place to let go of all the other thoughts crowding in on me…   
 
Knitting for me is about process…  as a fine artist process is important to me – the end result secondary to the methods of making, often repetitive often slow.. it becomes something else – it becomes a meditation.
Mindful knitting is a meditation. It is a way to be in touch with they way with think.  With time we can start to be in control of our thinking, and become aware of how fear dominates use.  I have been working with mindfulness for many years, its not a quick fix it…  it’s a gradual un-layering of years of programed thinking.  Process art, knitting or crochet & weaving are ideal vehicles to use in order to see how we are thinking. It gives us a focal point, like focusing on the breath… we focus on our craft. Hour minds are like having the radio on, a constant income of noise bombarding our senses, distracting us. They are often extremely rude and hurtful – you would never talk to someone else they way you let your thoughts have a go at yourself.… and most of the time we are totally unaware.  
Mindfulness and mediation is not about not thinking, that’s an impossibility, its about being conscious of what you are thinking, and with time being able to respond to our thinking in more positive ways.  Fear is the daily diet fed to us by the media… it cripples us without us even being conscious of it…  So let you knitting stand up against fear, let it be truly inspirational… and deeply rewarding, let it guide you to a way of being that allows you to be you…. 
 
So go on – go to that stash cupboard – and choose a skein, with no other reason other than you are just pulled towards it, its not a matter of it being right or wrong, its just calling you right at this moment…  go to your needles and take a pair, again no right or wrong… cast on with out any idea of an outcome, breathe, knit, breathe, knit… feel the needles in your hand, the yarn round your fingers, breathe, how are you sitting? breathe,  do not judge, just allow, breathe, if you feel a frustration (you wished you had chosen the other wool) allow it, accept it, breath… welcome to mindful knitting. 

newTussah silk a short introduction

17 years ago I found myself in Champa, Madhya Pradesh in the interiors of India, I was working for Fabindia in Delhi at the time and an opportunity came up to visit one of their silk suppliers in the area.  How could I refuse. Over several days I explored the phenomenal production from moth to cloth... and discovered the magical world of tussah silk.   

Tussah silk is surrounded by misconceptions and problems with the classifications.... Just take a look at the image above to see the differences not only with fibre but also the way it is spun.  I am on a journey to get to the bottom of things, I have a ticket booked for November when I will be returning to Champa to hopefully make sense of tussah silk.... and make new connections.  Handloom silk weaving is in decline in India, generations of weavers are going hungry as cheap imported silk from China makes more economical sense.... a common story for all of us trying to make a living via sustainable slow craft.  The handweavers of India are fighting back, contemporary designers are taking an interest and the international fashion houses around the world are exploring the possibilities.  When I first went to India nearly 30 years ago, handloom fabrics where worn by the masses and the low caste, while the wealthy sported the western look.  How quickly things can turn on their heads, the handloom has become something for those who can afford the expense of handmade, while the poor show off their cheap imported synthetic...  a story told all round the world.   I am here to support the voice of the slow hand crafted sustainable, natural fibre fashion industry here in the UK as a natural dyer and a British wool producer and India, the mecca for handloom and hand crafted textiles.  But I digress, it is the story of tussah silk I am interested in here.  

When we think of silk, our minds go the the fine floaty fabric, silk ties, blouses and bed sheets.... the chinese Bombyx mori moth that produces silk is common enough here in the west, its beauty and elegance comes from a fine filament reeled from the cocoons.  The Chinese production sericulture centres are second to non, India unable to compete and now importing Chinese silk for the strong warp threads needed in producing tussah silk cloth.  Tussah silk however is relatively unknown here in the UK, unlike India where is is quite common place.   So whats the difference?  One of the common misconceptions is that tussah silk is wild and comes from cocoons broken as the moth flies free as opposed to the domesticated mulberry eating Bombyx mori moth that is killed to save the unbroken filament in order to reel commercially.  In fact tussah silk is both wild and domesticated at the same time and in order to reel the filament successfully on an industrial level it is also necessary to kill the pupa.  There are in fact may different tussah silks, all of which come from the various types of the large Saturniid moth, most notably tasar, muga and eri.  The domesticated bombyx mori is completely dependent on human nurture and can no longer fly, the Saturniid moths are dependent on the wilds and but not necessisarily the the sterile sheds, although most of the production of tussah silk today is dependent on such captivity. The mugas domestic stock can deteriorate over time and requires an injection of wild seed cocoons from the jungles of Odisha carefully harvested by the protected tribes of the area.  Both muga and tasar can be left and cultivated in the wild. "Peace silk" comes from the eri moth, and has earned the privilege to stay alive as it is unable to produce a continuous filament, and leaves a hole in the cocoon, the cloth produced is highly prized by Hindus, Jains and buddhists, although ironically all the eri silk moths are now raised in captivity of specialist sheds in the villages. 

Tussah is a very different fibre to the white bombyx mori, its irregular, less glossy, textured and heavy in comparison with its Chinese counterpart...  it also comes in a variety of colours from deep brown to light fudge colour.   It has been produced in India since 2000 BC.  The main sericulture regions of india include Assam, Bengal, Bihar, Odisha and Madhya Pradesh.    

So I am to return in 6 months, I know the green dusty village will be gone, there will be a hotel to stay in unlike before, but I am excited to connect with master crafts people, possible the last generation  of weavers for some families....  I can't wait to handle the layers of cloth, the texture of tussah...  its enduring charm, that represents all that is so very good about slow sustainable hand made cloth. 

Join me this November - hand made journeys in india

During the last few weeks I have had several light bulb moments...  which probably started back before Christmas when I had enquiry from a person in Dubai wanting 2000 hanks of natural dyed yarn.  Without doubt it was an exciting moment - the negotiations started, the quote was given and everyone was keen - apart from me who was hyperventilating at the sheer stress of completing this mad order - I had calculated it would take in the region of 5 months, but still the pressure of dying 50 hanks a day getting them washed, dried and labelled fill me with horror, while the though of a good injection of cash into the business allowed me the thought of "silly not to do it"... so sleepless nights ensued, checking for replies from the client, checking out the price of brewery vats big enough to cope with the quantity, working out the number of burners required, drying facilities that could be made... the list and the stress grew to the point that it did, if I am really honest with myself spoil our Christmas.  As it turned out the money promised from the client never appeared and I was left gratefully off the hook.  The conversation I have been having with myself ever since is the economic viability of natural dyeing, because actually its not economically viable... and even if it was and the order had come through - do I really really want to spend my time dying up yarn 24/7...  not the idillic dream I had signed up for to say the least.  The stress also shocked me, another thing not included in my idyllic dream.  So I was left just after Christmas with the wind knocked out of my sales, my dream shattered... and a little unsure where to tread next.  

Fortunately the India trip to Jaipur comes round very quickly after new years eve, we also had GB selections to get through.... my son Harry had been training really hard to get a place on team... (free style kayaking for all of you new to my stories) - so when the 12th of Feb came round and I found myself on the mini bus in Delhi heading back to my 3rd home Pahar Ganj I was without doubt relieved to not be thinking about In The Wool Shed, and trying to make sense of where I should be going with it all.  When I am in India I get so caught up in my passion for the country, its textiles, the people... it bewitches me.  This was the 3rd workshop - and each year I crave a deeper knowledge and understanding of textiles in India... I always buy books there... to add to my collection - they sit unread from one year to the next in my busy life in the UK.  This year more than any time the need to do something about it was stronger.
​
Skip forward a few weeks.... to find myself watching with Harry "Finding Nemo", a wonderful film we had watched together before when Harry was small - and there was my first light bulb moment, "just let go".....   Fear had been setting in recently, taking hold, when you follow your dreams... and things don't work out as planned it can be unsettling, not my first experience of such things in my life, but when we do not know the answers - its easy to get caught up in fear, I noticed more single magpies...  and the spiral of worry gained momentum.  I knew in that moment of the film that "letting go" was exactly what I needed to do - to stop trying to find the answers and just allow it to happen.....  gosh what a wonderful way to live, something I have regularly tried to do - and end up forgetting how to do it when it's most needed...  Trusting in ourselves to know the way forward.... and letting the journey just unfold, the present moment being our only guide.  The characters in Finding Nemo show this so innocently and beautifully, the forgetful Dori knew the way, while the controlling Marlin, father of Nemo - so desperately wanted to know - but wouldn't listen to the sheer madness of Dori and her trust in the currents of life... wonderful wonderful.  when I see a magpie now I see the bubbling sea currents and the excited turtles riding along it, trusting in the universe to take them where they needed to go.

The next lightbulb moment came in Wales during the Easter holidays.  Harry has GCSEs this year  - so the deal was he would spend the morning revising and I would knit or read - and in the afternoon we would walk the beaches - absolute bliss.  The cottage has no internet, no tv, no dishwasher and no micro wave for that matter - its intensely quiet - and I soaked up the peace.  Along with my knitting I took the lovely book Fabric of India I had purchased at the V&A exhibition in November - yet to be looked at.... and I read and read.... delighting in the information provided, returning to my deep love of Indian textiles.  My knitting project was to complete "The Gardner".... and the 2 things started to come together...designing knit wear with an Indian influence..... that is my direction - that is exactly where I need to be.... my energy came back, my excitement oozing...   it just made so much sense to me....  My passion for natural fibres and India coming together in a relationship that requires my fine art sense of play and understanding of the visual arts ...... to take it forward in a new way....  the ideas started to rush forward, plans for projects, workshops.... oooh what a joy.  

It was not long after that I realised - my 3rd lightbulb moment that the link to all of this is a mindful approach.... I have so wanted to incorporate meditation into my work.... and have dabbled along the way - but lacked the confidence go forward with it, but some things need time, and when they are ready - they just easily and comfortably come....here it was coming together.... the moment of letting go - stopping, just being.... it was there, nothing new, just stuff that has been hovering around me - but unable until then to be pieced together.     

And here i am now -the time is perfect - time to really believe in my dream, it was never shattered or lost - it just needed time to become even more what it has always needed to be -  I just didn't believe in myself fully - to really go for what I wanted.... it seemed to much to ask for .... It was that order from Dubai and the disappointment, the stress and relief to really see where I was going, its not mass production I am interested in - its creativity its - natural dyes, India, mindfulness, fine art... its always been there In The Wool Shed.... now its time to get it all out the bag and share....